2.13.2007

Fathers, Mothers, Women, Men and Parents

Hi Everyone,
I'm not writing about an easy topic tonight. At least for me anyway. I want to talk about my parents, what their relationship was like, and how it has effected me. I am interested in this as a young man who wants to become a good man. I want to try to imagine how I will deal with life, marriage and kids. I guess I am really interested in fathers, and I'm interested in your input. I will most likely be a partner, husband or father, but I'm not sure what that will mean.

I am asking for comments, stories and feelings about parents, partners and their roles. You can respond with your name or anonymously by clicking on "comments" below.

The first comment is by me. It focuses on fathers more than mothers because that is what I'm thinking about.

Please consider writing something as long or short as you see fit, and if you don't want to write at all that's fine too.

Thank you.

4 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. lucille barankoFebruary 13, 2007

    Evan, it is wonderful to hear you express yourself. You are one of so many young boys that have been partially raised by one parent. I was so lucky to have kept both my parents and they are still happily married, they fight all the time.. well often enough, but the love they have for each other is amazing. I hope one day to have a loving marriage.
    Evan i have no doubt in my mind you will be a great man, honestly i already think you are. I knew it from the first time we met contra dancing and over the shisha at the Purple Cat. You are very wise and respectful of others i know one day when the time is right you will be the most perfect dad.
    Speaking of becoming a dad just last year my oldest brother became a father. When i went home last summer to visit with him is wife and little girl Isabella, it was amazing to see the transformation he had taken. For the first time i didn't see my brother as a brother but as the most loving father and husband. It was beautiful. Now, he and his wife are expected their second in March. Soon, my second oldest brother and his wife will be having their first child and it will again be amazing to see how he will transform. There is no doubt babies are amazing, but as with all things the world does not stop revolving around us and as the babe grows older as do we and our lives change little by little. Sometimes we grow closer and other times we grow farther apart. In most cases we all pray we grow closer.
    I could tell you so many stories of my friends fathers growing up.. how they were heavy drinkers, abusive.. not often around. But, i think i'd rather spread good news. My father and i, well i guess you can say i am "daddy's little girl" but we've had our ups and downs.. Growing up, my father traveled a lot for work and it put quite a strain on my mom raising seven children. But, when he and i spent time together canoeing, driving me to volleyball games on sunday morning it was special. Even still, i love my dad he doesn't always have the right thing to say and there is no doubt we argue about where in the world i should be, but regardless he's my dad. He provided for me and my brothers and sisters, he set good examples for us and because he loved us more than anything in the world i know i will be one day too be the best mother i can be.
    Evan, i know in your heart you know what the right thing is, so long as your listen to your heart you will never fail.

    "at the center
    of your being you
    have the answer:
    you know who you
    are and you know
    what you want."
    -lao tzu

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  3. I have temporarily removed my story. You can email me for it if you desire.
    Thanks,
    Evan

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  4. I'm surprised you haven't received more responses Evan...but then again, maybe I'm not - people don't usually like to share stories about themselves when those stories have the ability to hurt or to let others truly understand the storyteller. In six years, I've always known you to be open to sharing anything, so I'll give you my story (or at least as much as I can put into words).

    I'm very surprised, and grateful sometimes, that my parents are still together. So many friends' parents are divorced, and sometimes remarried and divorced again. There have been many times where I thought my own were going to get divorced - and seeing them fight, and seeing how others have seemingly made the wrong decision to get married, made me very hesitant to commit to anything...like you. Marriage has scared the crap out of me for the longest time, and I vowed to never have kids because I don't want to hurt them if I figure out later on I made the wrong choice picking their mom (among other reasons as well). But I find that as I get older, that fear of commitment is subsiding somewhat...

    I also never wanted to have kids because I didn't like who my father was sometimes...and, consequently, who I was sometimes, as we're very similar people. But the more I learn about myself, the more I understand him (even if it's only a little bit more about him), and the more i'm able to think I would eventually be a good partner/husband/father if and when the time comes.

    As much time as I've spent with you, I'd imagine I know very little about you compared to your actual roomies or some of the other people to whom you sent this. But I can say that I think, when the time comes, you'll make a great husband and dad. We all learn from our mistakes, and often from the mistakes of those around us. You're a good guy, and you're smart enough that you'll figure out what to do "when the time comes."

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