4.24.2026

half a man

"but wait!"
heads turn to look.
"it turns out
he's just a scared bully
he's good on the inside!"

the gathered UN assembly stares.
the woman who spoke
in her authoritative suit.
the passionate look on her face.

they stare at her subject.
a world leader 
who doesn't see them 
as equals in influence
thus they
and their countries
are not equals 
in humanity.

this top decider 
who fails to believe he
like all of us
can do no more
than try to be his best
in each moment.
sees his inner compass
as weakness
as vulnerability.

"he doesn't know"
thinks the page
standing in an alcove
"that he's only half a man
that he can only 
be half a man
half a woman.
all of us 
are only half
of what we can be.

the page thinks of conversations
with his father.
his father was there for him.
supported and encouraged.
put family first.

his father always felt
he had more to give the world.
art, thought, discovery, something.
paths not taken
unfulfilled dreams, potential.

he thinks of his grandfather
who searched for true love
a second time.
Who ran out of love
for his own children.

he thinks of his uncle
teaching, happily married.
two great kids
a shaped life
a tempered life of quality.

he looks down at his own hands.
he is a page at the UN
friends with wonderful passionate people.
in an amazing city
wide open for absent true love.

he thinks of his brother
his best friend
aspiring, searching as well.
they talk often
trying to find meaning & purpose.

the page reflects
what it means to be a man
the give and take.
how his father taught him
the pursuit of one thing 
leaves behind another

the best you can do
is to juggle.
when it's all said and done
you're only half a man.
the other half
is in your imagination
aspirations, doubts, regrets, dreams.

the page watches
this leader who thinks
he can do it all.
He who thinks 
he can be a full man.
Who is just half blind.

most of the delegates here
have the same delusion
but even they know 
this bastard is different.

the page looks 
at the woman who spoke.
knows she is right
In a way.

another scared bully with good intentions. 
he too, sees her smirk.
this horrible joke 
has been played on us all
through the ages of humanity.

the delegates recover
from their initial shock.
"what's the point?"
they wonder
"if this idiot is good inside
I'll waste my life 
searching to see."

"there's only so much time.
I give it to those 
who give back.
can anyone 
this sure of themselves 
have any faith left for humanity?"


by Evan Carroll, 4/24/2026

4.10.2026

Waves

Sometimes
Somehow
Life falls away
And it’s time 
It’s time

I want to say something
And I want to say it with someone else
So here we are
Thanks for coming to listen

I’ve found that I’m not really in control
And I really try to be
But I’m happiest when
I try not to be in control

But do I deserve it
Have I completed my duties 
And have I earned this moment
Of no control


The music plays and I feel
The rain falls 
My life swirls around me and my head tries to find a calm eddy

If all existence around me is waves
and it is
And two waves in synchronous motion in our infinite world are likely enough
And that is what I live 
a likely but improbable synchronicity
Then. . .

If our seemingly ordered progression through life
Is the rise and fall of waves in motion
And my choices are the luxury of my consciousness
My rationalization a glimpse of the waves to come
My choice comes at the moment of my understanding of how it will go
Then. . .

If all I seek is what I will have
Then all I fear is. . . 

The rain drops fall
And the pattern of ripples is expected
And incomprehensible

I know what will happen, but I don’t know how it will be


by Evan Carroll, 6/17/2023
-

4.08.2026

Honest Work

Truth
honesty
honest work
where, what is the most righteous?
what is it
that we can derive all meaning from?
all sense of purpose

That feeling of knowing
I am of value to others
They need my time
My work
My existence

honest work
performing the direct task
making of what wasn’t
art uniquely human
joining minds in an effort
service to a person
the power of satisfaction

always the same
the angry take action
the thoughtful think and write
politicians argue
scholars espouse
and honest work continues

We're all so specialized
all the stress
from trying to get to someone else to do
what we don't know how
more satisfying to know how
to do it myself
to have the time

the great equalizer, money
the great conversion
has failed us
Pitting time against possessions
Ecology against warmth
Bodies against industry

I reject the power of money
or cringe in its presence
the deal with the devil

facing another and connecting
doing honest work next to another
these bonds
are they the only true social contract?
the only place where society is real?

religion offers that sense
of affirmation next to another
singing
praying the same prayer
I love singing with others
unison of emotion
just theatrics?

So much work erodes
collaboration but separate
deprived of the
comradery, the challenge
of real people
and honest work

Cars isolate
trapped inside
personified emotionless heads
judging without knowing
the person inside
without knowing
the bond from walking next to them
in the same direction

when does the leader
soothe us into feeling a fake comradery?
when do they truly create it?
Do they ever?

Honest work continues
No matter what swirls arounds us
Sanity comes from the work
honestly


by Evan Carroll, 4/8/2026
-

4.07.2026

Angry White Boy

I never understood angry white boy rock
I never learned to distrust my elders
lucky obviously
naive probably
did as I was told
Never told not to be myself

sailing along
seeing a world of opportunity
and beauty
and love

I never hungered for angry white boy rock more than I do now
always knew to question assertion
could never bring myself to question the motive
A person's mistake is just a mistake
not a reflection of their soul
and where does that faith put me now?

just sailing along
seeing opportunity too often
but beauty
and love

What have all these fuckers done for my boys' world
my own white boys look at me with trust
what have I done? where does this lead them?
I can't say that:
faith and love for those near you weaves trust, saves the world
can only say: it's how I get by

sail
see
love
wait

I saw a life of possibility
opportunity squandered for the white boy who had it easy
just getting by
I'll be damned if this is all my boys get
a failing world that I once believed in
Doesn't seem to bother them at all

sail far
maybe you
and your beauty
and love


by Evan Carroll, 4/7/2026
-