10.06.2016

Pardon. . . it's been awhile.


In my last blog I posted, "I'm a father!" Two years after J was born, S was born. Now J is four and S is nearly two. It's probably safe to say that I'm a different person now, though I couldn't tell you how. I'm fairly certain that I'm also very much the same person. Having a family has been affirming, creating more clarity than conflict. We have set up our life intentionally.

The family is not all. . . Bild Architecture is now over five-years-old with two others working with us, another family to nurture. It's certainly hard to find a balance, if there is one, but I think we're finding it.

While there's no question that I must be an adult now, I still think about what I want to be when I grow up. I find myself thinking about music more and more often. This is a funny thing because I have both a stable, productive career, and minimal instrumental skill. Still, music continues to play a major role in our family. Many of our outings involve listening to live music, which the boys love, and plenty of our time at home is spent listening and dancing. The boys both enjoy mucking around on the keyboard and drum-set that we have, and it seems at least possible that they share some of the joy that I find in melodies, harmonies, beats, rhythms, lyrics and syncopations.

I'm finding I have much to put down here, and I'll just have to tie it together later. This past spring my grandmother, my brother-in-law and my best-friend's father passed away. It hurt, and it still hurts unexpectedly, but the boys and the firm didn't go away. They still need me. When I think of them (that we lost) I feel responsible. . . for making the best of my life.

I'd like to get back to doing this. (blogging) This blog is part of how Sasha "found" me, reading it before our first blind "date"; a meet up to consider being roommates. After that meeting we started dating. If taking the time to write did that once, maybe there's more yet to come.

I should mention that I probably wouldn't making the post if it were not for the new Bon Iver album, 22, A Million. It seems to have captured that part of my mind that was yearning to be thoughtful and reflective. The songs on 22, A Million seems to capture the feelings of nervousness, fear, and uncertainty in a way that is resolved, not hopeless. To me, that feels a lot like life: sketches of unexpected feelings that (when we're lucky) contribute to the notion of hopefulness. Not hopefulness for a certain outcome, but hopefulness that we will find a way, persevere and make something of it all.

5 comments:

  1. Michelle ClineOctober 07, 2016

    Nice blog. It's amazing thinking about when we were kids and looking at our lives now. I'm so proud of you and what you've become. You have a beautiful wife and 2 amazing little boys.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Michelle, Thank you for reading! This kids grow up quick. I'll never get over how I don't feel like an adult, and yet we manage to function somehow! I hope you're well!

    ReplyDelete
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